My Paradise Lost

How sad, but true
That we take for granted,
All the bounties of life,
And choose to remain oblivious
To the depths of Life,
To the enigma of Death.

Does ever a day go by
Without the cry of a funeral?
Have ever we met one
Untouched by the hand of Death?

And yet it is,
That we give it no thought.
Nor place in our lives,
Until it forces its might on us.

Death is no respector of persons,
Though it claims the same from us.
It is a thief, it steals our life,
It spares none, it comes to all.

It pays no heed,
To the pleas of a widow,
Nor does it succumb,
To the tears of an orphan.

Never does it return to its Maker
Empty of hand,
Never does it transgress
His command.

Oh why did I not see
The writing on the wall?
Why could I not see
You were weak and fragile?

I sheltered in the thought
You would always be there.
That you could desert me,
Was not a possibility.

I saw the tears in your eyes,
As we said goodbye.
As you stood in the doorway,
Until you could no longer see me.

There were no words,
But your eyes said it all.
" Is this the last time?
Or will I see her again?"

How I wish I could hear,
That silent prayer in your heart.
"Oh let there be other times,
Let not this be the last!"

There will be time in future I thought,
When you would be there,
And I would be free.
Then it would be just, you and me.

I would be free to sit with you,
To talk to you, and listen to you,
To share with you,
And confide in you.

But alas!
It was not meant to be!
I waited too long,
For I was a fool.

Fate was mocking my ignorance,
Shaking her head at my blindness.
I trusted in her and she failed me,
Taught me a lesson of reality.

That you were a candle in the wind,
I failed to see.
For you had always been,
The lighthouse of my sea.

I could not see that you were waiting,
That you were tired
And ready
To rest.

That you were eager to leave
And meet Him.
That you were closer to Him
Than me.

Now I know that you were always with Him,
For He listened to you,
When I did not.
I had failed you, and knew it not.

You saw
What I did not.
You knew
What I did not.

For even though
It tore your heart,
You had made your choice long ago
Between your love for Him and me.

And so it was,
That you were at peace,
As much with Him
As with yourself.

I found you quiet,oh, so quiet;
But in your heart you were not;
For you were always
Conversing with Him.

Would I be wrong to believe
That He talked to you too?
For what else could be
Behind that tranquil peace?

That frownless brow,
That smile on your lips,
The memory of your silence,
Blights my soul.

Will there ever be
A time for atonement?
Will you let me undo what I did?
And do what I did not?

Will you ever forgive me?
In my question lies my hope
To hear you say 'yes',
In your answer lies the secret of my peace.

Please forgive me,
Though I do not deserve your forgiveness.
Please forgive me
Though I am the blackest of your sheep.

Though I never said it,
And though I never showed it,
You were the cornerstone of my life;
You were the reason for my life.

If you could only see me
Now that you are gone.
I stand in the rain
Without shelter, desolate and forlorn.

I long for the cool warmth of your love,
As I burn in the scorching heat
Of the desert of life.
And I search for the shading canopy, of your affection.

For you were my shelter
And you were my shading tree.
Without your forgiveness,
My paradise is lost.
And so is my soul
Lost without you,
Mother dear.